Not Without Some Cliches
by Penneay
Summary: There are the classic plot-lines out there, where Harry saves the day or is saved... I'm just pointing them out for you! CRACK! PARODY! no offense meant!
1. Super Bank Harry!

**Not without some clichés!**

**A/N: **This story was written purely for fun. I don't mean to offend any one with the stereotypes pointed out in the story and I don't mean to insult any one in any way! Most of the clichés I'll write about I have read a story like before, but I'm not dissing it! I really enjoy most of the scenarios. So I'm not putting down any stories/ideas/parings in fact I encourage them! A little note for you I don't have a beta for this and so its just purely me, my bad grammar, and spelling but ill try my best to spell correctly. Thank you for even reading this if you did. : )

**Disclaimer: **I don't own Harry Potter or any other movie/tvshow/anime/book/etc. that I happen to throw in the story. I would probably be a lot more of a happy person if I did though!

**Cliché one: Harry, the Boy-Who-Lived and defeater of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named at only one year old, must have super awesome powerful powers of awesome, because he is just that awesome.(Not to mention he's related to everyone form Merlin to Bill Gates so he has to fabulously rich too!) Most times Harry doesn't know this but find out after angst-ing over the death of Cedric/Sirius/His parents for about a week.**

**Chapter One**

Harry Potter was just an ordinary misunderstood teenage boy. He had friends, fame, and fortune but none of this mattered because his life, as it is now sucks. His godfather dead, his friend, that he rarely talked to but somehow had a deep emotional connection with, was dead. All of this was his fault. If only he had died that night, then his parents, Sirius, Cedric, and even Trevor the toad would still be alive. (Harry never told Neville but Trevor had died two years ago after Harry accidentally sat on him.) Sure Voldemort would have reigned supreme and hundreds of people would have died, his parents probably would have been crushed, and Sirius might have never made another joke again, but at least those four people (not including Trevor because he's, well, a toad) would still be alive and that's what matters to his hundred of worshipers in the wizarding world.

After sulking over the situation for another few hours in the peace and quiet of his room in the middle of the night, Harry sat up with a start. He came to a sudden realization. What was he thinking sitting here sulking, wishing eminent doom upon the world? He had a job- no destiny! The fates themselves had spoken through a prophecy, made bay a crazy lady, sure, but a prophecy none the less, that stated how he was to save this land from a great evil! It was his JOB to stop Voldemort and by golly he would do it! But How? How would he do it? He needed money, resources, POWER! Who would know where to get these things… Harry thought long and hard about who he could go to for assistance. After some serious thought it hit him! Gringotts! Of Course! The had the answers to the very universe in that shiny, intimidating structure they called a bank. And the Goblins were the nicest creatures, they would simply have to help! Amazed at his brilliance and more content than he had been, well ever really, Harry settled to sleep, he had a big day ahead of him tomorrow after all.

The next day Harry awoke with a smile. After finishing the five meter long list of chores that his aunt handed to him, (it really was that length too he measured once, but it was okay Aunt Petunia had horridly large handwriting and so there were only about 12 things listed) Harry headed out for London. He had to hitchhike a quarter of the way there, take a cab for two-fourths the way with money he stole, cause he just didn't have morals, and walked the rest of the way. Of course he could have just asked Vernon for a ride but, hey, he was a independent, rebellious teenager. He could get there by himself!

Arriving in no time at the Leaky Cauldron, Harry snuck in where miraculously no one recognized the supposed savior, let alone Tom who had seen him every summer since he started Hogwarts. After getting trough the portal undetected Harry quickly went to Gringotts and walked to the counter. The goblin glanced up at him and immediately noticed his scar.

"What can I do for you, Mr. Potter?" He asked

"Yes, um… I would like to inquire about my accounts.." Harry told the short green creature

"Ah, we have been waiting for this please follow John into the creepy dark abyss, to a room and we will see too you soon."

Harry looked over to John, which was a really unusually name for a goblin really, and followed him through the abyss to aforementioned room. Harry turned to thank the strangely named goblin only to find he wasn't there any more.

'Weird,' Harry thought to himself.

He sat down in the chair in front of the desk inside the room. It was about a minute or so before any one came into the room. This was okay though because even though he was the savior to all mankind he was a humble sod. So he smiled and greeted the goblin accountant.

"Hello," Harry said cheerfully.

"Hello Mr. Potter, my name is Herashihitaka, but you can call me Rashi. it's a pleasure to meet you." Rashi introduced himself with a smile.

Harry shook the new goblin's hand and through this simple interaction a friendship and peace treaty was born between the goblins and Harry. Rashi sat down in the only available char which was behind the desk and opened the folder which had a huge 'HP' stamped on the front.

"So what all did you want to know about today Mr. Potter?" Rashi asked.

"Um, I was wondering about my inheritance and stuff…" Harry explained, well kind of.

"Well here it says that you are the heir of many estates and titles and legacies some of which have been extinct for millions of years." Rashi told Harry with a smile

"Really?" Harry asked with interest.

"Yes, you've inherited Buckingham Palace, Potter Manor, Slytherin Manor, Gryffindor Castle, Hogwarts, The White House, Number 12 Grimmuald Place, Black Manor, Mafoy Manor, The Tashma Hall, The-."

**Thirty Minutes Later**

"and the whole neighborhood of private drive."

"Wow that's a lot.." Harry said

"Yes you've also can now claim the names: Gates, Slytherin, Gryffindor, Hogwarts, Merlin, Ravenclaw, Hufflepuff, Le Fay, Smatherbottom, Chang, Diggory, Riddle-"

**fifteen minutes later**

"Versace, and Gucci."

"Really? Diggory?"

"Well their son is dead you see, so they figured that you would make a good enough replacement and the Chang's like you better than Cho any way. Riddle is your great-great-great grand uncle by marriage twice removed."

"Wow, so how much money did I inherit?"

"two galleons and three sickles" Rashi said with the most serious face a goblin wearing pink could wear.

"two galleons…. And three.. Sickles?" Harry asked incredulously "really?"

"Yes, but you also received fifty million in American dollars, one billion in Euros and two billion in pounds. You also received instructions on how to make money appear out of thin air from the Asian Ministry."

"Huh so do I have any vaults?"

"Yes you have a very shiny vault filled to the brim with jewels, One filled with dusty books that you will probably never read and one filled with tons of out dated clothes, hair supplies, and junk."

"Oh that's nice…."

"Yes now for your abilities! Now since each Family has different abilities and each is secret to that family. Not including the fact that magic is well magical, we can't just tell you what your abilities are. No we have to do a super secret test that not many know about and may just kill you. Is this okay with you?"

"Hum… well the threat of harm really is doing it for me soooo… yes of course I'll do it!"

"Okay, Here's the special magical paper that is one of a kind and definitely not something you can find at home laying around somewhere and the special ceremonial needle that only Gringotts can provide, just prick your finger, elbow and left big toe and drop a bead of blood from each on the paper. Do you understand? Any mistakes and you WILL spontaneously combust… I'm not even joking here, there will be little savior chunks in our nice expensive carpet and that is such a pain to try an get out…" Rashi explained pulling out the needle and paper.

Harry nodded enthusiastically and picked up the items and doing as the goblin said. After the blood was on the paper, it glowed and floated out of his hand and into the air where it shimmered and swayed back down toward Rashi.

While Harry put back on his sock and shoe, Rashi started to read off his abilities.

"You Harry Potter have acquired the abilities: Parseltounge, light magic, catspeak, dogspeak, langugespeak, metamorph, animagi, photosynthesis, medi-magic, dark magic, blood magic, technology-magic, cow-magic, insectspeak, clean-magic…"

**One hour later**

"Boy-Who-Lived mojo, and The Power-He-Knows-Not." Rashi finished with a wave of his hand

"Wait what was that last one again?" Harry asked

"The Power-He-Knows-Not. I have no idea what that is really but the paper never lies!"

Harry couldn't believe it the answer to his prayers. Really, It was amazing to find out this power, this mystic power actually existed! With this information a whole new world of opportunity opened up. He had the perfect plan but first….

"Was there anything else you need to tell me?" Harry asked in anticipation

"No that is all Harry but feel free to visit any time Mr. Potter" Rashi assured him

"Harry, please Rashi"

"Harry then."

Harry lest the building and walked outside into the hustle and bustle of Diagon Alley. Donning the headband he stole from some poor unsuspecting six-year-old, Harry exposed his scar for the world to see. Quickly he ran to the center of the Alley and shouted for all to hear:

"Hello Wizards! I am Harry Potter! Outside! Defenseless! Without my guards! I would hate to get kidnapped by some DEATH EATER!"

Lucius Malfoy who just happened to be walking by after picking up his cane from being polished, saw the possibly insane savior. Thinking quickly he grabbed the teen and apparated to his lord manor.

Coincidently no Order members were at the Alley that day and Harry guards had decided to take a four hour break to go see a concert in Whales. The pedestrians just assumed it was just another savior impersonator and went about their business for the day.

**Riddle manor**

Lucius landed in the foyer which was decorated in rich blacks and grays. Walking swiftly he carried the compliant savior over his shoulder to his master never wondering why the boy wasn't putting up more of a fight. Reaching the throne room he entered after doing the secret knock combination that only the Death Eaters themselves knew. There sitting in all his regal, pasty white glory was Voldemort, the man of the hour and all around evil bad guy. Lucius bowed with Harry still over his shoulder.

"My Lord, I have brought you your most hated enemy, Harry Potter" Lucius stated softly secretly hoping for a treat as a reward for his efforts

"I see, How did you come to acquire what has eluded me for the past sixteen years?" Voldemort asked with a raised patch of skin where his eyebrow should have been.

"He was standing in the middle of Diagon yelling like a lunatic. I quickly grabbed him and brought him to you."

"Really, set him down Lucius"

Lucius quickly sat Harry down and backed away from the boy. His master quickly threw him a biscuit which he caught and scurried out the door gracefully after a wave of the hand form Voldemort. Voldemort looked down on Harry from his throne and stared at the boy who only stared back from his place on the floor.

"So what brings you to my manor, Potter?" Voldemort asked, staring Harry down with menacing red eyes.

"Why nothing Voldy, old buddy, old pal. Just stopped by for some tea and such!" Harry exclaimed but on the inside he was thinking 'Pickle, Pickle, Pickle, Pickle, Pickle, Pickle, Pickle, Pickle, Pickle,'

Voldemort looked at Harry like he lost his mind, and really who could blame him, his most hated enemy just wanted to come by for tea? What was this kid smoking?

Really it was a perfectly normal question to be asking at this time.

While Voldemort was questioning his sanity however Harry continued his chant inside his head. A blue glow appeared around hi vision and Harry grinned. This only served to freak Voldemort out more, because really who grinned at their enemy theses days, but before he could say or ask anything the air shimmered around them and a pickle appeared. Right. Next. To. Harry.

Harry and Voldemort stared at the vegetable. Voldemort turned to Harry and raised the patch of skin again.

"And what pray tell was that?" He asked.

"I could have sworn that you,…" Harry started but was interrupted as Voldemort was suddenly replaced by a deep brown banana.

Harry stared and then stared some more, while the banana just sat there evilly seeming to grow browner as the minutes ticked on. Harry after a few more minutes took off his sock, grabbed the banana, stepped on it, and called for Dobby who he then told to take the crushed banana to the hottest volcano he can find and throw the banana in it. Dobby compiled, with a confused frown on his face.

Harry let and went back home to private drive where the entire order was waiting for him. Some wore faces of anger, some of worry, some of constipation. The latter he showed to the bathroom. Harry explained to them how he defeated Voldemort. He told them how while at Gringotts he had a vision and his past ancestor came and taught him all that he needed to know in the time it took him to blink. He told the all of how in the end it was simple transfiguration that defeated the most feared wizard of their time. He suggested to all the students to listen to Minerva more often. Ron passed out while Hermione looked like the cat who got the cream.

So the world lived on the day and universe was saved once again by Harry Potter. He had books written in his honor, a new house at Hogwarts, many wives, kids and a statue. He lived out the rest of his days in Dark Lord free Happiness.

**The End**

So this story was pretty epic right?… well so there is a lot of spelling mistakes. I'm pretty sure I misspelled Gringotts and parseltounge but really I don't have internet right now so I couldn't check the spelling of any thing! I hope everyone who read this likes it! It might be a one time thing it might have another chapter coming up I really don't know but I did enjoy writing this so the outlook is good for this! I f I do continue the chapters will probably be one shots because that's just how I want this to work! I'm not insulting any characters, nor parings, or ideas or anything else I'm just doing this for fun! I'm thinking of doing a similar series for Naruto or Inuyasha Twilight anything I'm interested in so tell me what you think about that too!

So I'm not going to threaten you for reviews, you either will or you wont and me telling you to wont change a thing but I'm asking for you to please just say something! Writing gets lonely sometimes! : ) **I ACCEPT ALL REVEIWS! PLEASE FLAME BE NASTY CURSE ME OUT! I DON'T CARE! JUST TALK TO ME LET ME KNOW YOU'RE THERE! : )**


	2. Enemy Love!

Not without some clichés!

A/N: So, second chapter! WOO! So once again this isn't to offend and I'm sorry if it does! I don't really have much to say so I'll just shut up now! p.s. you might notice that a year isn't name, that's on purpose, use your imagination. Sirius and Dumbledore are alive though so no SPOILERS!

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter or any other movie/TV show/anime/book/etc. that I happen to throw in the story. I would probably be a lot more of a happy person if I did though!

Warnings: Slash, Slash, OOC, possible AU, Slash!

**Cliché two: The animosity between Harry and Draco is simply all that unresolved sexual tension hanging in the air. While they pursue their secret love affair 1) not only do they have lots of sexy man sex but 2) all their friends discover their gay to!(including the girls) Sirius(Along with any other parental figure) is completely okay with this including the entire wizarding world.**

Chapter 2

Hermione sighed as another fight was started between Harry and Draco. The plebeians just could not realize how deeply, madly in love with each other they were. It was seriously getting on her nerves. She couldn't really blame them for being blind to what everyone else had already realized(that is their unyielding love for each other) she was just a genius and Harry and Draco had just been pretty stressed about the whole dark lord thing. But still it was sad to see young love stunted because of black and white views of society.

Little did Hermione and the rest of the school realize that Draco and Harry were very much aware of the sexual tension between the two of them. In fact each of their fight were a series of carefully fabricated codes that meant different things. For example if Draco yelled at Harry "Your Mom was nothing but a filthy little mudblood" he meant "Harry Darling would you like to meet at the Room of Requirement for tea tonight at nine? Also that sweater you're wearing is wonderful. Where did you get it?" Of course Harry's reply is also different. "Shut Up, Death Eater Scum!" simple means "Sure I'll meat you there sugar-plum and the Sweater was a gift from Rashi the goblin I've been telling you about? He sent it the other day, its made from pure silk. He had it custom made in India!" This, while confusing to any outside observer made perfect sense to the two teens. Today's argument was no different.

"You filthy piece of crap! How dare you say that about my shoes!" Draco yelled

"**Oh, you sexy love muffin I just want to sex you up! want to sneak to Hogsmead today to go have a romantic secret picnic?"**

"What? Just realizing those shoes are just as awful as your face!" Harry shouted back.

"**Of Course Honey bunch! Should I bring the candles or will you?"**

"Don't you say that about my Mama!" Draco yelled back.

"**Why don't we just leave the candles for today?"**

"Stupid Death Eater! I'll say whatever I want! Let's get out of here," Harry sneers back turning away with Ron and Hermione.

"**See you at ten sexy!"**

~~Later that night~~

Sitting in the Common room later that day along with Ron and Harry, Hermione tried to think of a way to bring up the subject of Draco to Harry.

"Say Harry, how come you have to fight with Dr- I mean Malfoy so much? I mean he can be.. Uh, decent some times! Just look at that time he… And that other time…. And uh, What about when-… well as I was saying why don't you give him a chance?" She asked in one breath.

"Hermione Draco is nothing but a Smarmy Git and that's all that he'll ever be. Why are you sticking up for him any way? He call you the M. word remember" Harry said hesitantly _She can't have figured it out right? I mean we were so careful! There's no way!_

"Well yes, but haven't you noticed the potential you to have!" She tried to explain

"A potential for what Hermione? The potential to kill each other? If that's what you're talking bout then I'm pretty sure the whole world has seen it" Harry snapped back. _oh my god! She knows! She knows! The world is over, Now me and Draco's love is forever doomed! _

"Whatever Hermione," he said getting up and walking away

"Wait! Where are you going?" She yelled after him.

"Out!"

Hermione looked over to Ron only to see he had been asleep the whole time. Shaking his shoulder she woke him up,

"Come on, we have to follow Harry and get him to talk to us!" She urged while walking briskly out of the room. Ron sighed and followed.

~~Meanwhile~~

Harry rushed to the secret entrance to Hogsmead. Looking around the corridor to make sure the coast was clear he said the password and quickly shuffled trough the passageway. Coming out the other end he jogged towards His and Draco's secret spot; a grassy hill pass the Hogshead with a few trees scattered about. He could just see a head of blonde hair on the other side of the hill.

Draco looked up as Harry sat down and handed him a sandwich that he declined.

"I think Hermione knows…" Harry started only to trail off.

"Harry, darling, you say this every time we meet up. And as I've said a thousand times before, There is no way that Hermione knows. Stop worrying! Now, sandwich?" Draco assured

Harry, although still nervous took the sandwich this time.

"If you're sure," He said uncertainly

"Of course I'm sure"

They kept up the picnic vibe for another few minute, until Harry finished his sandwich and Draco his crisps, and then abandon the activity for more.. Physical ones. It was around the time that Harry had his mouth on Draco's neck and while Draco had his finger in Harry's hair, that they were interrupted..

~~With Hermione and Ron~~

"Come on Ron!"

"Coming!"

They had just searched the second and third floors and we just now finishing the first.

"What about hogsmead, maybe he went to get a butterbeer or something?" Ron suggested in a tired voice, slightly out of breath.

"Yea, okay, lets check there" Hermione agreed

Walking through the streets of Hogsmead they searched everywhere, looking in shops and restaurants but for the life of them they could not find the stocky-black-haired boy anywhere. Just as they were about to enter the Hogshead to search there, lean hands fell on both of their shoulders.

"And what do you think you are doing away from school at such an hour? 75 points from Gryffindor" The person asked in a drawling voice.

"P-P-Professor Snape, We, Well, We were just -" Hermione stuttered out only to be cut off

"Ah-Ah-Ah. Detention and 45 points from Gryffindor for being out after curfew" Snape sneered his crooked nose high in the air with a look of disdain at the duo as he led the back up to the school

Hermione and Ron followed dejectedly. As they reentered the common room Ron looked to over to his friend.

"Maybe he'll come back soon and he'll tell us where he went." He said with a hopeful smile.

"Yea maybe," She smiled back as they settled back on the couch in front of the fireplace.

~~With Harry and Draco~~

"S-S-Sirius! What are you doing here?"

"What am I doing here? What are you doing? You know what never mind! I just got twenty pounds richer," Sirius exclaimed while dancing

"Wait wait you have no problem with this?" Harry asked incredulously

"Why would I have a problem with this, obviously you haven't heard about my time at Hogwarts. Why I remember this one time where me, Lusucis and a House Elf were-"

"OOOKAY! Okay! I see you're okay with this! Nice to know! Maybe you can tell me the story later, or not. Harry can we go back to Hogwarts now?" Draco interrupted Sirius hurriedly.

"Uh, sure…" Harry agreed

As the trio walked back up the path to Hogwarts various thoughts ran in their heads…

_I wonder what Sirius thinks about this? And what was with that story about Lusius and a house elf? Is that the reason Dobby-_ Harry cut himself off, he did not want to think about that.

_Father never told me about an affair with Black, maybe that explains the time I walked in on him with that cane…. I didn't know someone was supposed to bend that way._ Draco wondered he wasn't overly concerned about Sirius' knowledge about their rendezvous, if whose came to worse The Dark Lord would take care of it, (yes the dark lord was aware and perfectly accepting! He even gave up on killing Harry and donated money to their future. All Harry had to do was sign over half his soul, which was okay with Harry in the end).

_Man those were some good times! That house elves had some serious moves, the things he did with those ears! It sucks that I had to go to Azkaban but now I have Buckbeak! Those Saturday nights… Damn!_ Sirius reminisced with a fond smile and a far away look in his eyes.

After crawling out of the secret passageway the trio turned to go their separate ways only to be caught by McGonagall.

"What do you think you are doing out of bed, Mr. Potter Mr. Malfoy? And Black what are you doing here at all?"

"Well," "You see," "Minnie," They all tried to answer at once

"Never mind I don't want to know, you'll just explain yourselves to the headmaster. Come on, get!" She ushered them down the hall

On the way to the headmaster's office they picked up Ron and Hermione, who must always be included in these types of things despite it being none of their business. McGonagall walked swiftly down the hallway and upon reaching the statue spoke the password clearly:

"Opossum-mints."

She opened the door after Albus said come in only to be greeted by the sight of him(Albus) trying to stuff what looked like a red feather boa into a desk drawer. Ignoring the odd sight the group all took a seat, conveniently there was a chair for all six of them so none of them had to stand.

"So how may I help you fine people today? Lemon drop? Or how about a brownie? Their really good, I just got them imported from Jamaica. A handsome fellow who laughed way too much suggested them to me! At first I was wary but now-" Albus rambled with a huge, almost maniac grin on his face.

"That's all very nice Albus but I found these three," Here she pointed to Harry, (who was grabbing a couple brownies for himself and Draco) Draco, and Sirius "Roaming the halls like their some type of roadway or sidewalk! I had to bring them to you." She said nodding

"T-Thesshe arrru really gooood, Proffffeshor" Harry mumbled with a mouthful of brownie while Draco nodded along.

Hermione and Ron sat quietly waiting for an explanation also.

"Well, boys do you have an explanation?"

"I found these two down in Hogsmeade when I was going to… anyway that doesn't matter, I just found these to after hours," Sirius ended waggling his eyebrows at the end.

"Hey! We were just having a picnic! Don't act like you walked in on us shagging!" Harry defended although he just revealed more about his and Draco's relationship, the brownies taking effect.

"Yea, we didn't get that far, you interrupted…" Draco trailed off not even realizing what he said

"What?" "Yes! Yes! EAT IT! BOOYA!" "I won! I won!""…!" were the various verbal responses as the rest of the room sat in shock silence, actually it was just Ron who was shocked into silence, he couldn't believe his best mate was going out with the ferret!

"…. Wait…. Yea, Wait, you guys are like, okay with this?" Harry asked a little slowly, he was having trouble thinking after the pot- I mean brownies…

"Of course the staff has had a running bet that you and Mr. Malfoy would get together since your first year. Why couldn't you have waited two weeks? Then I would have won!" Dumbledore explained and then grumbled because he lost.

Meanwhile the teens got to watch the rare scene that is McGonagall losing her cool, she was dancing around the room, doing a pretty good version of the hammer time with Sirius until someone shot a stunner at both of them. McGonagall was out while Sirius dodged(like the pro he is).

Hermione let out a scream of pure joy, She was right, _I knew it!_

"Wait a cong-flubbing minute, You're telling me that you and the ferret have been sneaking around behind everyone's back and fooling around? You've been consorting with a DEATH EATER! How Am I supposed to accept this? Who do you think I am?" Ron shouted in a rage, He could not believe Harry would do this to him- them!

"You are Ronald Bilius Weasely, my first and **best** friend who accepts me no matter what, need I say more?" Harry explained patiently while sitting in his new seat, Draco's lap and licking his new favorite treat, Draco's neck.

"Oh, Okay!"

And just lake that all was accepted, Albus and the rest of the group sat contently watching the soft-core porn happening in front of them (most likely a one time thing, considering the boys were to high to have any modesty) all except McGonagall who didn't get to watch because she was still stunned.

Snape continued his miserable existence sulking in his lab while the Slytherins continues their mass orgy in the common room. Ravenclaw went to bed with visions of sugarplums and books in their head. Hufflepuff chilled in their common room singing 'You've got a friend in me' and finding the schools lost socks. Gryffindor's were collecting their winning long having attached spy gear to the Golden Trio after hearing about all the adventures they get into.

Voldemort sat on his throne in the Death Eater meeting room while playing poker with "the guys" and getting his mack on with a lampshade, he might have had too much to drink but no one was going to tell him that.

All in all life continued as usual.

**End!**

So this was a little late, sorry about that! The next might be a little late too becaue my internet is getting cut off, I did mention that updates wouldn't be regular. So I don't know if this one was as funny… I still hope you enjoyed it. Sorry for spelling and grammar mistakes, I suck, I know! Also, just to be clear I don't hate Snape, I just made him a bad guy in this! : ) Anyway hop you enjoyed. Review if you have the time. No offense meant.


	3. Inheritance Insanity!

**Not without some clichés! **

**A/N:** Third chapter! This was a fast update, but I had already started on this one and figured I should go ahead and update! : ) I hope you like it… No offence meant!

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Harry Potter or any other movie/TV show/anime/book/etc. that I happen to throw in the story. I would probably be a lot more of a happy person if I did though!

**Warnings: Slash, Slash, OOC, possible AU, Slash! Creature inheritance, Bashing(a little)**

**Cliché Three:** Albus Dumbledore is insane and delusional because he's old and every one knows you loose your sanity after thirty. Draco/Harry are a magical creature because of some ancient relative no one know about till the "inheritance" happens. Draco is Veela. His mate is Harry and they must "mate" (note: have wild monkey sex) before Draco dies. No one is bothered by this, it's common. Basic creature inheritance

Chapter 3

Five people were seated in Dumbledore's office. One a tall man with wavy black hair, pale skin and slightly torn clothes. This man was known as Sirius Black, escaped mass murderer and Godfather of Harry Potter. Another with brown hair, hazel eyes and a slightly feral look about him, Remus Lupin, the resident werewolf. The third member in this crowd was tall and had a long beard that almost reached his knees. His robes were vibrant hues of navy blue and florescent yellow colors that only one man, Dumbledore himself, can get away with. Next a slightly gaunt looking man with a crooked nose and black robes, Severus Snape. The only woman in the room, Minerva McGonagall, had a strict air about her, with glasses perched on her nose and crisp maroon robes with a witches' hat on her head.

The crowd seemed to be waiting on something or someone.

Dumbledore looked at the people seated around his office and picked up a bowl of candy on his desk.

"Lemon drop?" He asked them

They looked at him strange and then as one said a resounding "no".

"Are you sure? They are absolutely delightful! You know I discovered them on a- "

"Really, Albus we could really care less,- " Snape started only to be cut off by Sirius.

"Really, do you have to be such a git? You slimy- " Remus cut him off

"There's no reason to be so hostile Sirius, just let it go..-" But Remus was cut off my Minerva

"All of you just grow up, I'll take one Albus," She gave in scowling but Albus wasn't listening he was still caught up in his story

"… And although Bartie told me the Llama was Puerto Rican I still offered it the marshmallow…"

"You're just angry because your family never accepted you, you outcast!" Snape yelled at Sirius

"No one ever loved you, you slimy git, why don't you fall in a hole and die?" Sirius shouted back

"Hey that was kind of out of line, why don't you both just calm dow-" Remus started only to be cut off by the others in the room,

"No one asked you!" they shouted.

Remus sat quietly stunned, _What did I do?_

"Now as I was saying, It has come to my attention that Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy are magical creatures," Albus says solemnly

The group gasped in shock,

"Yes I know its very shocking. Not only that but Draco is a veela!"

More gasps in excited astonishment.

"I know, Right? Harry it seems is a niffler!"

Sirius actually squealed in excitement at this point while Remus fainted in happiness. Snape was so shocked he stopped scowling! McGonagall just continued to gasp/hyperventilate.

"So since I discovered this I've taken the liberty to invite Mr. and Mrs. Malfoy as well as Harry and Draco to announce the good news." Albus finally finished explaining

As if by queue the rest of the party came into the room, Lucius leading the group and Harry bringing up the rear. The magical room expanded to fit them all while some extra chairs appeared for them to sit in.

After sitting in an awkward silence while the rest of the group got themselves under control Harry spoke.

"Why did you call us all here Professor?" he asks politely

"Yea, why do I have to sit in the same room as all these Half-breeds, blood traitors and mud bloods? Except you Sev. You're okay." Draco asked condescendingly.

"It has come to my attention that you are a veela Mr. Malfoy." Albus stated

While Draco sat in shocked silence at this revelation, his parents looked anything but. They mostly looked panicked and curious.

"How did you know?" Narcissa asked in a smaller than normal voice.

"I'm Albus Dumbledore! I know all!" Albus countered.

"But how? It's the Malfoy's most guarded secret! How ever did you find out?" Lucius asked in a panicked voice.

"Do you really want to know?" Albus asked.

The room sat forward in rapt attention as the elder Malfoys nodded.

"I bought it with the money I saved by switching to State Farm!"

Gasp! "No! you couldn't have! I had it in the safest places, secured with the best guards, you couldn't have!" Lucius screamed in denial. _It couldn't be true!_

"Oh it is. Now," Albus started capturing the attention of every one in the room (even Harry's and Draco's who had been distracted in a small argument containing many rude gestures) "I have news for you Harry too."

"What? What could you have to say to me?" Harry asked in confusion

"You see Harry, you are-" but Albus was cut off by an overly excited Remus.

"You're a Niffler Harry! Oh this is so exciting, a Niffler hasn't been reported since 1872 when an overly exited peacock tripped it during the winter solstice. It was never seen from again. It turns out that was your great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather! You are one of his many many many grandchildren!" He rushed out in one breath.

"Yes you see, you are a very rare magical creature, you should feel honored and excited about this development." Albus explained

"Oh, I do professor!" Harry assured him, all previous misgivings about the change forgotten after the words from his mentor.

Draco sat in smug satisfaction, he may now be a half-breed by his own standards but at least his magical creature had a better name. _Hehe. Niffler, what type of name is that?_

"That's good then, my boy, because as it turns out you have a mate. And as the submissive in the relationship you will be expected to provided lots of babies for them!"

_Haha! Potter has to get knocked up by some stranger. Hope it's Goyle. _Draco thought

_What no! I don't want to have a random persons babies! _Harry thought in a panic.

"I don't want a mate!" Harry decided to voice his thoughts, "I definitely don't want to be the submissive one!"

"Well you better get over it Potter because It's happening Potter" Snape sneered from the back ground where the adults other than Albus were watching the byplay.

"Now my boy you'll get used to these things. Now, your mate is-"

Dumbledore was interrupted by a pair of dancing tube socks coming into the room. While the rest of the room was distracted they went up to the headmasters desk. Dumbledore gave them a look full of regret,

"I'm sorry but we can't have tea today, I have an important meeting going on. Maybe we can reschedule for next weekend? And tell the trombones I won't be needing them tonight." He explained.

The group watched as the tube socks danced out of the room but with a lot less enthusiasm then before.

"What was I saying?" Albus asked once the socks had closed the door behind them.

"You, pfft, were, hehe, just going to tell, hehe, Harry… whohismateis!" Sirius rushed out, chuckling in between until he busted out laughing at the end.

"Oh, right, Well Harry, as I was saying your mate is-" McGonagall cut him off having grown impatient

"It's Draco Malfoy!" She shouted

There was silence after her unusual reaction and outburst, then…

"Oh, I knew it!" Narcissa shouted, fist pumping into the air.

"What? How did you know?" Lucius asked

"Please, darling. A mother always knows." She explained to extremely misinformed husband

The rest of the group waited with baited breath for the boys responses… until finally…

"Oh, Harry, love! I've always loved you! I've only been so awful to you because you rejected my friendship in first year, forgive me?" Draco asked pleadingly

"Draco! I loved you too! Ever since the first time I saw you at Madam Malkin's. I only denied you because of how you treated Ron, but now I see I was wrong!" Harry explained running to Draco and plopping himself in his lap.

"This is a monumental moment in wizard history. Tomorrow there shall be a feast in your honor." Albus explained, "Now get out my office! All of you!"

The group scrambled out of the room.

"Well, where are you two going now?" Sirius asked Harry and Draco, being, shall I say, serious for once.

"Rooms" Both of them mumbled, still attached from being in the office.

As the boys walked away the adults stood in awkward silence.

"Poker anyone?" Remus offered

They nodded and followed him to the DADA room for impromptu poker game.

That night two boys did the dirty-dirty all night long and didn't come out of the room until well past 11 o'clock. People all around the castle felt many magical burst and won many bets. A few stray Huffepuffs could swear they heard screams and moans coming from some corridors.

~~The Next Day~~

Breakfast was the usually rowdy affair with the rumor mill going as strong as usual. A few new ones we traveling. Ones like the one about the moans and screams from the corridor were mildly believable, while others like the rumor that Snape was seen limping, and wearing only a neon green thong, while coming from Professor Lupin's rooms we more unbelievable.

When Draco and Harry walked in hand in hand, the latter having a slight limp, most almost wrote it off as unbelievable also, that is until…

"They're mates! Magical Creatures!" Someone shouted form one of the tables.

There was silence until,

Pandemonium, There was shouting, screaming, and general chaos, but anyone could tell there was one message… Acceptance.

'CONGRATULATIONS' a banner, which had suddenly appeared, said.

Gryffindor's and Slytherin's alike gathered around the boys shouting praises. Pansy Parkinson walked up and presented them with twenty pounds of chocolate for them to use as the please. Hermione brought them a cake while Ron brought them his chocolate frogs cards collection.

Harry and Draco were over joyed at the acceptance.

They lived out the rest of their lives in peace. Filled with many running children(at least twenty) and a huge house they built with their fortune.

Voldemort eventually killed himself because he wasn't as famous as them or Family Guy. His Death Eaters mourned for a week then moved on to better and brighter/darker things.

Snape became a male stripper, having finally found his calling after the poker match gone wrong. He only teaches sometimes now, and is a much happier person because he is well laid!

Remus and Sirius lived on their lives doing what ever they did before. (wink! Wink!)

Dumbledore live on his ripe ol' life, occasionally making spoons dance at meals and breaking out into song although only recently has McGonagall started to join him.

Narcissa and Lucius live on a life dedicated to their son-in-law, son, and grandchildren.

All and all every one was happy.

Then they died.

**The End.**

Okay, so that was the third chapter... The next update probably won't happen for a while, but I hope you enjoy this one! Thank you for the support everyone has shown, for the reveiws and favorites and alerts! YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!


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